Comfortable Everywhere, Accountable Nowhere: The Great NRI Olympics
Meet Raj.
Born in Delhi, raised in Dubai, studied in London, now working in Toronto, but dreams of retiring in Goa (as long as there’s AC and high-speed WiFi).
Raj is what we call the “Global Indian” — someone who is comfortable everywhere, but accountable nowhere. Let’s explore how Raj and his tribe win gold in the Great NRI Olympics of Double Standards.
Language Gymnastics
In India:
Raj orders coffee at Starbucks with a fake American accent and says, “Bhaiya, make it extra hot, okay?”
Abroad:
He hears someone speaking Hindi and runs like he found long-lost family. “Bhai saab! Desi ho? Which city, bro??”
🥇 Gold medal in: Selective Hindi Patriotism
Food Wrestling
In India:
Raj eats quinoa bowls, avocado toast, and judges anyone who eats “oily Indian food.”
Abroad:
Raj will drive 45 minutes and cross two toll booths to eat authentic chole bhature from a guy named Harjeet in a basement.
🥈 Silver medal in: Butter Chicken Loyalty Abroad Only
Social Justice Yoga
In India:
Raj avoids speaking to his maid, asks her to use a separate glass, and posts on Instagram about his “minimalist home.”
Abroad:
Raj gives TED Talks about “India’s strength lies in its diversity and inclusion.”
🥇 Gold medal in: Selective Human Rights Awareness
Minority Acrobatics
In India:
Raj supports loud majoritarian politics and believes every problem is because of “those people.”
Abroad:
Raj joins a rally about minority rights and posts black squares on Instagram. “We NRIs understand struggle,” he says.
🥉 Bronze medal in: Situational Empathy
Foreign Policy Kabaddi
In India:
Raj has strong opinions supporting Israel and shares memes from WhatsApp University.
Abroad:
He’s chanting “Free Palestine!” with a keffiyeh and sipping organic tea.
🥇 Gold medal in: Geopolitical Confusion
Final Event: The Disappearing Act
Whenever it’s time to donate to Indian causes, pay taxes or take a stand on serious issues…
Raj becomes a ghost. 👻
“Sorry yaar, I’m just a global citizen. I don’t get involved in local stuff.”
🥇 Gold medal in: Accountability Vanishing Magic Trick
Conclusion:
NRIs like Raj are world champions at being comfortable everywhere, enjoying the best of all worlds — but when it comes to accountability? Suddenly no WiFi, no passport, no comment.
It’s not hypocrisy. It’s talent.
Maybe it’s time we added this to the Olympics. 😉
